Confused Doesn't Even Begin To Describe It
by Musical Enigma
Summary: Strange things. Strange people. Strange Rock. [Another Wonderful Life][Complete]
1. A Tale Of Large Men and Shaved Ice

_Confused Doesn't Even **Begin** To Describe It_

_By: Musical Enigma_

_Disclaimer: Well, I certainly do not own Natsume or any other makers of this game. _

_Chapter one: A Tale Of Large Men and Shaved Ice_

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"Rock! Wake up darling! It's nearly noon!"

"Coming mom…in an hour or two…"

"Do I have to come up there and pull you out of bed?"

"….yeah…sure…whatever"

Before I could actually come up with some witty saying, footsteps erupted from the front door, shaking the building. I instantly realized why I had to get up at once: Van was here. Now Van isn't a bad guy, don't get me wrong, but he's just not a person I get along with. He can make me so mad sometimes…like when he wins the milk drinking contests I invented! Yeah, I invented them! Shouldn't that be an automatic win? But nooo… I seriously have never seen someone chug like that before… _it's kinda creepy_.

"Rock! If you do not get down here within one minute I swear…!"

My dear mother was cut off from her hissy fit when I came running down the stairs, ready to leap out the door as if I had something extremely important to do. Weird thing is, that always works. But seriously, **me**, have something **important **to do? That's just silly to even think about! Ready to make my jump out the door, I was abruptly stopped by a rather large hand…which was attached to a rather large arm, then to a rather large body. Funny how these things work out…

"Hold it sonny, I was just telling your parents some wonderful news, have a seat!"

Van smiled at his words of choice, rustled my hair and effortlessly pushed me down onto the floor, where I landed with a slight amount of pain. I immediately scrambled up to go sit behind the registration counter with my dad, who seemed disturbed. My mother remained standing with her fake smile, nodding to signal that Van continue whatever it was he was saying beforehand.

"Well, this girl is…"

Van was stopped by my overly eager mother, who gasped on cue and came to sit beside me behind the counter.

"What girl? Van, please do start over!"

Van paused and nodded, completing the exhausting task by taking out a hankerchief and wiping his forehead with it.

"You seem tired dude"

I smiled with as much effort as I could muster while my mom jabbed my in the side. My dad, Tim, continued to sit staring motionless into the potted plant beside him.

"I've been on a new diet offered by Romana! Apparently, all you have to do is spin around in a twirly chair…"

At this point, I ceased to listen, knowing that I had won. There were new people coming into the city everyday, and it was Van's job as a salesman/retailer/actor/gymnast/robber to try and get people to move out here into Forget-Me-Not Valley, so they could depend on Van to buy their necessities. In the end, Van makes all the money! Wow…If I had that much money, I don't know what I'd do with it! I'd party every night! Maybe even buy a drink! Hah, that'd shut Griffin and Muffy up, always telling me to buy something or leave. Then…I'd go back to the city and buy all the shaved ice ever! Yeah…

"You should try it out Tim, I mean to say, you're not exactly in the best shape!"

Van laughed at his own joke while my father's self-esteem went down even lower. The thing about Tim is, he was forced to move here by my mom, Ruby. After moving, he just kind of sunk into the scenery. There's just not enough to keep, well, anyone occupied out here.

"Well, I guess I have to go open up shop now!"

With a wave of his hand, Van left our hotel in great spirits. That's when I received a sharp slap to my cheek. It stung, but frankly, it woke me up just as well. I rubbed the tender area that had been hit and looked up to Ruby, standing at her full height, towering over me.

"Do you want to have me die without even seeing any grandchildren? Rock you're killing me! I want grandbabies and a daughter-in-law!"

My mom then went crying to her room, leaving me almost as confused as my dad on an everyday basis. I stared at Tim, who simply shrugged, got up, and went into the kitchen. I sighed as I too got up and made my way outside. Since it was spring, large gusts of cold wind sent shivers through me. I frowned. Maybe Ruby was right. Maybe I should get married…but that's way too much commitment. I mean, marriage only ties you down. And kids? How do you take care of those? It all just seems too complicated. I stared glumly at the dirt as I walked, not caring where I was headed exactly. Ready to pass by Van's outdoor shop, I turned without thinking and headed up to him.

"What girl?"


	2. KoolAide?

_Confused Doesn't Even **Begin** To Describe It_

_By: Musical Enigma_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon or any of it's creators _

_Chapter Two: Kool-Aide?_

_Note: I don't see the huge difference between It's a Wonderful Life and Another Wonderful Life, so, since it has been questioned, it's the Another Wonderful Life, does that make everyone happy now? )_

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"Rock! This is the last time I'm calling you, so you had better get you little tush down here within ten minutes or I'm sending Nami up there!"

I jumped out of bed in a hurry, not wanting the hotel-sharing anti-social redhead to come barging into my unkempt room, screaming that I woke her up. That usually wasn't a pleasant way to start the day… I stared at my alarm clock watching for a full three minutes as the second hand ticked around the perimeter. Something was wrong. I double checked the clock just to make sure that it wasn't off time or anything, and then punched myself in the arm.

"Ow!"

"Dear, are you okay?"

"…yeah…"

I stared in disbelief, rubbing my poor upper arm. Things were just way too creepy, and I wasn't in a dream after all. I ran downstairs to pursue the mystery with my mother.

"Finally! God, you'd need your own chicken to wake you up on time!"

My mom was smiling as usual, peppy and totally unaware of any negative energy. I frowned.

"Am I missing something? Why am I up?"

"Oh, it's not that early!"

"Mom, its six a.m.!"

"And?"

"…Why am I up!"

"Well, you need a bath!"

I stared at my mother, my blurry eyes making it hard for me to keep balance on both feet. I opened my mouth to argue how I didn't need a bath at 6:00 a.m. and how I needed sleep, being a lazy person, but my mom gave me the death stare and, next thing you know, I was in the tub scrubbing away in the freezing water like mad. My brain wouldn't allow me to think properly as I went through a daze, washing, scrubbing, eating, dressing, being thrown back into the tub to wash once more, forgetting that I ate, eating again, spilling again, and taking a third bath all by 7:00. Finally, I went back into focus as I realized that for the past five minutes I had been staring at my shoe in the middle of the entrance hall. I yawned, and then turned to look at Tim, who had just gotten out of his morning bath. Nami was still in a state of shock in her new, neon bright clean clothing. She had never really gotten used to morning showers…

"What's so important today?"

"That girl is coming and you better be good because you're mother already thinks I screwed your life up. Doesn't she know that you're just damn lazy?"

Tim continued to mumble to himself as I frowned. The new girl…what was her name again? It started with a 'K' I'm sure…Karen…Kerry…Kool-Aide…Diane…maybe Eve?

"Oh Rock dear, mommy's little boy is growing up!"

My mom ran down the stairs, the distinct smell of perfume emitted from her as she attacked me into a forceful hug. I held in the coughs of suffocation with all my might, wondering what I would need to do to be treated like a human being instead of a stuffed animal. Ruby finally let go as I sighed a deep breath in relief.

"Now Rock, I want you to be in your best behavior! No milk drinking contests, no playing sick, and most defiantly NO CONFETTI!"

"Awww, common mom, I gave up the confetti years ago. I'm on to bigger and better things, like popcorn and grass"

My mom stared at me as I smiled confidently. Sure, not everyone understood what I say, but that's their problem. Only educated and sophisticated minds like my own could really comprehend the relationship between popcorn and grass. My mom's head whipped upwards fast as lightning as she looked out the window.

"Oh gosh! Takura is here! Everyone, on your best behavior! Here she comes- what an interesting child…"

My mom cut herself off as she hurried me, Tim and Nami out the front doors like poster children. Nami simply stared off into space, wondering why we had to greet every new person that moved into this place. I once wondered that too, before I got too tired of thinking that is. Tim kept looking at his watch for any change in time. Ruby just stood there, smiling with forced effort, which was visible by anyone who knew her. It was obvious that, with mom's super vision, Ruby wasn't that pleased by the child. Takura and the lady came closer into view as I saw Nami's facial expression hint at amusement. Ruby nudged me to smile, and I did so, but not just because of mom. Takura and she stopped in front of us as I felt paralyzed.

"Hey, this is the Inner Inn. That's the owners, Ruby and Tim, and their son, Rock. Nami also stays here. This is Tarin"

"Hello."

In those five seconds of meeting Tarin, I suddenly wished that our inn had a more fabulous name, that I was taller, and that everything around was perfect. I felt my jaw drop slightly as I continued to stare at her. She was looking back at me, and when our eyes met, I could only wonder what force of nature could possibly make those eyes shine and glitter like nothing else could ever compare. Then Ruby shoved me again to smile politely, but instead of obeying, I tripped, and fell right at her shoes.


	3. Taquitos

_Confused Doesn't Even **Begin** To Describe It_

_By: Musical Enigma_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon or any of its creators _

_Chapter Three: Taquitos_

_Note: Sorry for the long wait (again). I tried to post this one sooner, but it just ended up the same time and a slight bit shorter. I promise the next one will be out sooner! (and have more context!)_

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The silence that followed my literal downfall was stunning. I mean, usually, someone will laugh, or some intoxicated people from the Blue Bar will come out walking like drunken fools, drawing away the attention, or some other conversation will automatically strike up out of nowhere. Ruby finally attempted to strike up that 'random conversation from nowhere' with Tarin.

"So Tarin, do you enjoy eating food?"

Oh so typical of my mother. Food food food. I mean, yeah, I love the stuff, but seriously- who goes up to someone and asks them if they like food? It's a given! I mean, what should someone say? 'No it's disgusting'? Or how about 'I tried it once and hated the stuff!' Yeah, my mom can be brilliant.

"Ma'am, sorry to ignore you're question about food, but your son's in the road."

At this, Tarin grabbed me by the wrists and helped me off the ground. I instantly brushed the dirt off my clothes and admired Tarin's evasive action from my mother in the most unique fashion.

"Back to that food question- I do have a bit of an addiction to taquitos."

I nearly jumped for joy. Not just because some person liked food too, because that'd just be silly. I, on the other hand, was amazed at the fact we both like taquitos! I mean, a person can live off those things! I smiled inwardly. We could have a relationship based off the best stuff on earth. We could have lunch AND dinner together, since taquitos are very versatile. Not to mention, long talks about them as we strolled down the road late nights, discussing taquito related things. What a wonderful life…

"Wonderful! Why don't you join us for dinner later tonight! You must be exhausted from the trip down here."

"Actually, it wasn't that bad and---"

"Great! We'll see you around six? Fantastic, we'll see you later! Good-bye!"

Then Ruby hurried Takura and Tarin off as the rest of us made for the inside of the hotel. I was the last to enter, trying to catch a last ray of hope to possibly get Tarin's attention. It worked…sort of. Ruby kept pushing the two down the road towards the Blue Bar so they could continue their tour.

"Moooommm…" I moaned, "I'm sure they can walk down the street just fine!"

"Yeah, we'll be just fine, I promise!" Takura said hastily

"Err, thanks! See you later I guess. Good-bye Rock!"

Tarin waved good-bye over to me, and I barely got enough sense into me to wave back while flushing like mad. She remembered my name AND she likes taquitos. I was beginning to believe that this day, though it began at 6 a.m., was about the best day ever. Then Ruby practically tackled me in through the doors of the inn.

"My goodness Rock where were your manners? Do you really think that she is datable material? My son, with that! I think not! ..."

My mom continued to blab on and on about her apparel and how she had a slight city accent and all that stuff while I stared at her, not really paying attention. As I tuned things out, I glanced, using preferable vision, at the plant behind Ruby. It was slightly taller than her, but not by much. I began, once more, to question my height. Was there a possibility that I might just, maybe, grow a few more inches? Then, maybe one day…I could reach the top of that plant and go 'Ha! I have succeeded!' I wonder when that plant was last watered…

"Ruby, do you regularly water that plant?"

By totally interrupting my mom's complaints and moans about Tarin, she glared at me. Angrily, she turned to take a look at the potted plant behind her, and then turned back with a look of agony.

"That's a plastic plant, dear. I don't water the plastic. Sometimes, I wonder if you're even listening to me."

With that said, Ruby walked out of the lobby into the kitchen to go prepare the feast of taquitos. Man, I sure love taquitos. Checking side to side before I would make my discovery, the halls were empty. I slowly walked over to the plant and poked the stem of the thing. It was plastic alright.

"What the hell are **you** doing?"

I spun around quickly to see Nami in the stairway, looking, as usual, depressed and moody. I made a suave, evasive face to elude her from the idea that, the plant I had known for half my life, was plastic.

"Never mind, I don't want to know"

With that, Nami walked outside to continue in her 'daily activities'. I sighed as I traveled on up to my room, taking care to do anything stupid that might lead to the fourth bath of the day. I guessed I'd just have to lay-low until six. Reaching my room, I found it messy as I had left it. Comforted by the fact no one had come into my room to clean yet, I flung myself into the familiar bed and shut my eyes, ready to regain the lost hours of morning sleep.


	4. The Dinner

_Confused Doesn't Even **Begin** To Describe It_

_By: Musical Enigma_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon or any of its creators _

_Chapter four: Dinner- Part 1_

_Note: Yeah, I lied. It's longer, but not sooner. Sorry! I'll try harder to get updated every week or so okay? Just keep checking! By the way, the tater tot story is true. I actually experimented with that one. By the way, thanks for the reveiws! They make me feel happy inside )_

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"_How handsome he is…"_

"_How incredibly tall…"_

"_Boy Rock, you're sooo awesome!"_

_Surrounded by giggling girls, only one catches my eye. Tarin comes up to me, smiling and looking up. _

"_Wow Rock, now that you're taller, I just think you…rock!"_

"_Well, I'm thinking of changing my name to Fabio…or maybe Sheldon"_

"_Haha you're so funny!"_

"_I'm serious…"_

"_Uhhh…" _

I woke up from my dream feeling kind of funny. I checked to see if I grew any taller by putting my hand on my head. It still reached the top. Disappointed, I checked the clock, it read 5:45.

"Dammit!"

I ran out of my room to make sure I wouldn't get beaten by my mother for being late. I made it downstairs just as my mom came running to scream up to my room. She took one look at me and thwaped the back of my head.

"You're all wrinkled! Have you no sense of decency?"

"Ow!"

My mom began 'smoothing' out my clothes while muttering about how I'd better behave. Tim sat in the kitchen, already waiting for his dinner. Nami was, as usual, half dead at the table, basically waiting to stuff her face and then go to bed. I continued to be whacked and 'smoothed out' by my mom when the door opened.

"Hey!"

Tarin entered with a slight bounce to her step giving me the idea she either had a bit too much to drink, she was nocturnal, or she smelled the taquitos. My mom immediately stood up and smiled, then escorted Tarin to the kitchen, after she gave one last thwap to my clothing. At the table, everyone sat and silence filled the room. I instantly questioned the idea to have dinner with company.

"So, what grade are you in Rock?"

"Grade?"

"You're still in school right?"

"…no?"

I stared at Tarin as she continued to look completely serious. I couldn't help but wonder what made her think of those questions. I frowned as she began to laugh hesitantly.

"So how old _are_ you?"

"Twenty-one"

"…you're kidding."

"…no?"

I guess Nami got the joke because she started laughing insanely. Silence from the rest of the table made the laughs echo through the empty halls and ring rather oddly in my head. I frowned as I turned from Tarin to Nami to my shoe and back to Nami.

"I don't get it"

"She thought you were a lil' kiddie like Lumina"

"But Lumina's…oh…"

Lumina is my best friend. She's rather spoiled and a bit of a snob, but she's always so energetic and ready for anything. The downside is, she's still in school and she's always studying or practicing. I think the main thing I like about Lumina is she's shorter than me, which is good because she's a girl! So really, it's more like I feel better when walking next to her because someone looks up to me, not the other way around. But being compared as a school companion by Lumina…is it the height thing again? I turned to Tarin who looked the shade of bright pink.

"I **swear** I'll grow!"

"Uhm, okay?"

Another silence followed as I began to devise ways to 'magically' grow taller. Maybe if I ate loads of veggies and carrots, I could build something…? No…that wouldn't work… I'd have to be a penguin to live in the Amazon…

"I'm going to go get the taquitos now…"

Ruby hesitantly got up to go get the food as all past worries were pushed to the back of my mind. Where there's food, there's a…un-hungry stomach? I don't know…quite a bit… but I sure love food. I mean…its eatable! And sometimes…wait those are tater tots… I found out you could microwave tater tots! I was experimenting, and it worked! (For once) and yeah, I made MICROWAVABLE tater tots! I bet someone could live off potatoes… but anyhow, food is awesome.

"Yes! I **love** food!"

I turned in shock to find Tarin as excited as me. She smiled and I couldn't help but feel happy. Food and friends are two wonderful things that start with the letter 'f'. So are french fries, but that falls under the category of food right?

"I think we get taquitos!"

"Awesome! I love taquitos!"

"I like how they're crunchy!"

"And hot!"

"And how when they're hot, they're still kind of crunchy!"

"I know exactly how you feel!"

My insides fluttered with fancy and happiness as I became secure on having this girl become my new best friend. Tarin seemed peachy as well. Just imagining new days, forging for new food recipes. And if I learnt to cook, maybe we could open a restaurant! Then we could…nah- that'd be too much work. We could be bums and just eat and talk about being bums and eating. Life would be great. Tarin looked up to me with a short, foolish smile.

"You know, my name, Tarin, means rocky hill"

"That's pretty cool. Guess what I figured out!"

"What?"

"Stressed spelled backwards is Desserts."

"Whoa…"


	5. The Mission

_Confused Doesn't Even **Begin** To Describe It_

_By: Musical Enigma_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon or any of its creators _

_Chapter Five: The Mission_

_Note: Yeah…doesn't take a genius to figure I'm pretty lazy and terrible at posting in a timely manner. I'll try harder (maybe a week instead of a…month?)_

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When Ruby returned, the only thing to be heard was the sound of food being attacked viciously by everyone. For around, oh, fifteen minutes or so, this continued until not a single thing was left to eat. At this point, Nami got up and left to wherever she goes on Wednesday nights. Ruby began with her after-supper chatter. I obtained a headache before she even started talking. I love my mom, don't get me wrong, but sometimes, with the same awful high-pitched droning for hours, it gets tiring! I leaned back in my seat slightly so that the front legs hovered in air. A nice little trick I learnt after years of practice- believe it or not, _I'm not too coordinated._

"So, Tarin, how do you like it here so far?"

"I came here this afternoon…"

"Any people you liked?"

"Pardon, but what are you getting to?"

Tarin stared confused, wondering why Ruby insisted on her spilling out her half-day's events like best friends. Tim stood up and left the room, leaving me with the two. Now I felt isolated, on a lonely island with Ruby and Tarin. The sole man left to keep everything alright. _The leader of the pack. The man of the island. The mighty ninja turtle._

"Well, did you get a chance to meet Marlin?"

This sentence stunned me so bad; I fell off my perfectly balanced chair and landed flat on my back. I lay on the ground for a few moments before realizing I fell. Then the pain came to my head a few seconds later. Talk about delayed reaction.

"Oh, honey, are you alright?"

"I'm fine mom. I'll just go…to the place…over there…not in here…bye."

"See you later Rock"

I got off the ground and set the chair right before hurrying to get out of the room. Tarin smiled and waved, which made me smile and miss the door, instead hitting the wall with my fast paced force. After a few moments of amazement, I made it out of the kitchen in one piece. Sighing, I sat in the entrance hall of our hotel and leaned my head against the wall. Tarin must think I'm some kind of _idiot_. Ugh, I knew walking up insanely early would only get me into trouble! I rested my throbbing head and silence filled my ears before I realized that Tarin and Ruby had started up the conversation again.

"Yeah, I met Marlin."

"What did you think of him dear?"

"He was kind of…scary."

"He's such a sweetie. You just need to get to know him"

"Any particular reason?"

"Well, he is a lonely boy who just needs some love."

"Hmm…"

"And Vesta isn't too pleased with Celia as a match for him"

"Wait…are you asking me to…"

"Oh look! It's time to go"

Without further warning, the door swung open and my yelp of surprise was shattered by the door whacking me in the nose. I clutched my nose and slid to the ground. That, was painful. Tarin, who opened the door, rushed to my side and knelt beside me.

"Oh my god, are you okay?"

"Yeah, great."

"I'm so sorry!"

"What's going on out there?"

Ruby swung open the door and whacked me in the side of the head. I sighed in disbelief and wondered why I didn't bother moving after the first collision. I stood up and rubbed the side of my head, no longer concerned with the thought that I possibly smashed my nose, or lost it…

"Oh Rock…what the hell were you thinking?"

I didn't even bother answering my mom. Her dark eyes scanned me and I realized why she had invited Tarin over for dinner after all. She wasn't just a contradicting crazy lady who told me Tarin wasn't good enough, and then invited her over for dinner. _Nooo…_ instead, she is a crazy lady who invited Tarin over for dinner with the intentions of hooking up Marlin and her! I never really liked Marlin, he was too serious. When we were little, he'd always want to go work for a nickel instead of relax and possibly find one on the ground.

"I wasn't…_I don't_"

"You don't what, dear?"

"…think"

"…I think I'll be going home about now…"

"It was nice having you dear. Please consider what we talked about and take care!"

Tarin nodded and got up, straightening herself up before bowing her head slightly in respect for my mom and me. I got up as well.

"I'll walk you home"

"How sweet!"

My mom gave a look of mild confusion and concern. Tarin, on the other hand, gave me a hug. Maybe if I continue with this 'politeness' thing, I'll get even more hugs and maybe even a part time job! But that would be…way too much pressure…I wonder if I'm up for the task. Maybe when I'm older…Then I went to think on more serious thoughts. Why does Ruby look so concerned? Oh yeah…I got lost last time I walked Lumina home. Who knew that her front yard had so many pathways! I went down all of them at **least** once. On the bright side…I did find a penny! Ready to set on my task and hopeful of collecting more fallen change, I followed Tarin through the swinging front doors. De ja vu occurred as the swinging door came right on swinging back, throwing me to the ground for the third time. Tarin turned and gasped, which made me feel loved, until I noticed she was giggling hysterically behind a wall of concern. Ruby, however, gave a skeptical look.

"Are you sure you can handle this?"

I got up and brushed myself off; carefully examining my surroundings to make sure nothing else would unexpectedly crash into me.

"I'll be fine mom!"

I smiled and tried once more to get out the door, convinced that my worries were over. But then I cringed as my mom's voice shook through me, giving me the chills.

"If you get lost again, I'm calling the police!"

"Lost?"

Tarin had a confused look as I sighed.

"How can we get lost? I live like, across the street. Literally"

Sure enough, Tarin's house was visible from the entry of our hotel. I smiled, grateful of the darkness to cover the redness growing onto my cheeks, since I had been planning to get us 'lost' and hopefully come out as a brave hero who all would adore…then I'd get a television show…and a pony…

"So…_yeah_…let's go I guess!"


	6. Delirious

_Confused Doesn't Even **Begin** To Describe It_

_By: Musical Enigma_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon or any of its creators _

_Chapter Six: Delirious_

_Note: Hey! Review people! Please! It'll make a writer very happy! Anyhow- this chapter is a lot longer than I expected- so much longer that I cut it in half! Haha you get the next part later._

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"Does you're head hurt?"

"Not really"

"Are you sure?"

"…Well…maybe a little"

I gave Tarin a quick smile and she laughed and before I knew what she was doing _(Not that I've ever had anyone do this to me before so I could be prepared)_ she got on her tiptoes and kissed the top of my head. I stared at her in amazement- surprisingly to me, she seemed like it was nothing. For _me_ however, it was like…I'm still trying to figure it out…like…when someone makes you pancakes for a surprise and they make it with bananas in it and you're just like **WOW. **_Wow mom I saw a cow mom and it went moo…_haha stupid beans…

"Does that make it all better Rock? Rock…uhh…Rock?"

I had stopped in the mist of my daydreaming, using my hand motions to say WOW MOM I saw a COW MOM and it went MOO! (To achieve this awesome skill, I used my mouth as an 'o' and my fingers formed the letters-it's quite amusing...) Tarin just stared until I dropped my hands and shrugged smiling.

"So…what was that about?"

"I'm not quite sure yet…"

"Are you sure you didn't get hit in the head a bit too hard?"

"Nah- I'm fine"

"If you say so…"

We started walking again, taking surprisingly long for the distance being maybe a yard or two at most. We didn't talk much. Tarin was looking concerned as if she might get mugged. Haha, I remember I thought I was gonna get mugged too when I first moved here. I mean, there isn't much light and _you never know_ who might jump out of a bush and attack you! _coughDarylcough_

"No one's gonna attack you"

At this, Tarin dropped her clenched fists slightly and relaxed her shoulders. She turned with a slightly embarrassed face and looked at me.

"Why, are you going to protect me?"

"No…"

As I paused to think of how to continue my sentence, Tarin gave me a wild 'are you insane!' stare. I tried to continue as if I hadn't noticed, though looks like that often make people feel sad…Yeah, I feel pretty sad come to think of it. Losing my train of thought, I stared again.

"No, because no one would dare attack you with the Rock-man around!"

"Wouldn't that technically be like protecting me?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Because if someone did attack us, I'd probably run away!"

"…that's comforting"

I smiled triumphantly, feeling very awed at the super powers I had given myself very quickly. That feeling soon vanished when a nearby bush stirred and a giant dark thing jumped out at me. Tarin slightly gasped and I screamed and dove into a 'duck and cover' position- just in case I caught on fire. _Or was that for tsunamis? _Then Tarin started laughing.

"Haha its Crusher!"

I stood up off the ground and looked around wildly so that I may protect my lady from the danger of **this** 'crusher'. Clenching my fists, I spun around, but saw no culprit. A pitch bark brought my senses back and I turned to see Tarin with some chiuawa-mutt in her hands. I sheepishly dropped my ninja pose and turned red- thankful that Takura was too cheap to get electricity to light the old dump.

"Nice going _Rock-man_"

The dumb dog barked again and I jumped, knowing I had made yet another enemy. Stupid dog- _tricks are for kids!_ Tarin cooed at the mutt and turned to her house and I stuck my tongue out at it- just as blinding bright lights filled the place and Tarin turned to see me childishly making fun of a dog. A smirk crossed her face and before I knew it, I was lifted off the ground. So startled, I screamed again, but then the thought hit me- _I was defying gravity!_ I tried to swim, but the earth turned back on and I was sent pummeling to the ground. I turned to see what in the world could cause lights in the broken down farm and control gravity at the same time. Unfortunately, the master of these powers was Takura. And me and Takura…yeah, we don't get along anymore.

"Stupid punk! Trying to sell the farm again eh? Well it's sold! So get off this property you little---Oh Miss Tarin!"

Tarin had come closer apparently while Takura was ranting. Personally, I was watching the lights closely, trying to turn them off with my awesome mind powers. Convinced that I could control the light, I laughed manically as one flickered, breaking the conversation between Takura and Tarin into an odd silence.

"What'd he do this time?"

"This time?"

"Well, last time, Rock got drunk, the time before he found some 'happy pills'…"

"They were **JELLYBEANS!**"

I yelled defiantly, coming back into the real world after the light started to make my brain dance. I remembered that night and shuddered. That was one night I never wanted to relive.

"Right. Anyhow- what the hell happened this time?"

"He got whacked in the head a few times…"

"I see…"

They both stared down at me and I smiled sheepishly, hoping my mom wouldn't be hearing from Takura…_again._


	7. The Elves

_Confused Doesn't Even **Begin** To Describe It_

_By: Musical Enigma_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon or any of it's creators _

_Chapter Seven: The Elves_

_Note: Wow…chapter Seven…yeah that's about all I got to say. Hope this keeps you people ocuppied for a week or so...heh sorry!_

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"I'll go warn his parents"

Takura sighed as he waddled away. Or at least, it looked like he was waddling. I laughed, knowing how even the turtle at the swamps could move faster than him, and it was dead! _…or at one point it was…_Hmm…I'd have to take Tarin's opinion on it- I told Lumina that Hugh killed the turtle…and she stared at me for a while, then walked away. Come to think of it…she never said good bye! I'm going to have to scold her for that!

"Rock, I'm going in now, are you going to be okay?"

"Huh? Yeah, sure, uh-huh"

I smiled as Tarin looked at me with a rather worried expression. Of course I'd be fine- what could happen? Tarin laughed hesitantly and started walking backwards, almost as if to make sure I wouldn't go crazy and attack or something. I waved good bye and she vanished behind the door of her new home. I waited outside, staring at the light emitting from the house, going between the fascinating light and the tin roof. Then all lights went out-including the large city ones that were recently added. I frowned, knowing for a fact that I did not turn off the lights with my super powers…_but no one else had to know this fact…HAHA for all they know, and I'm Super Rock! _And…well, since it's already dark… I turned to see no one was watching as I creeped over to the fence surrounding the grassy part of the farm.

"Just this once!"

I giggled _(maybe I have gone insane!)_ and hopped over the fence and began rolling around in the grass. Ha this was the life. Staying out late, eating taquitos, rolling in grass and being a super hero all at once. _What a wonderful life. _I rolled around in the grass, feeling happy as a pop-tart. But then again…_are pop-tarts really happy? Like truly, really really happy?_ I met a pop-tart once…he was individually wrapped! But he didn't talk to me…_maybe they're shy! _Determined to pester Van for a pop-tart to interrogate, I rolled around a little more, and then stood up. It was getting late…I think…_or would it technically be getting early?_ I checked my watch to note that it was in fact in the A.M. hours. I resolved that it was getting early, then hopped the fence to go back home. Unfortunately for me, I woke up the dog. It barked as I began going off the property, and I stiffened instantly.

"Is someone out there?"

I looked around wildly and hid as Takura barged out of his house. _(I began to wonder when he got back, and why he lived on the same property as Tarin) _I also noted that he carried his gun…which was bad. Takura got his gun a couple years ago when I started stealing things, caused chaos and, on certain days, harassed what remained of the animals on the property. And, since Takura was also nearsighted, he shot aimlessly and killed a chicken once. Worried that I might become the next victim of a raging old man with bushy eyebrows and a gun, I ran off into the small forest, listening to a gun shot echo throughout the quiet scenery, and the abrupt yell of Tarin, startled from her sleep more than likely. I ran as hard as I could to the end of the forest, flopped down when I reached the lake, and then collapsed into a tired, rather delirious state.

"Hello there stranger!"

"I'm Nik!"

"I'm Nak"

"And I'm Flak!"

"And we're the three musketeers!"

I stared in utter confusion at three small, brightly dressed elves, who began dancing like idiots. They didn't go away when I rubbed my eyes, so I figured I really went crazy this time…_or maybe_…I picked up the fat yellow one, who claimed to be Flak, and dropped him in the lake, figuring if he dissolved, I was going crazy or the lake was pure evil.

"I'm drowning!"

The fat one yelled as the other two gasped and ran into the nearby tree screaming and shouting accusations of 'MURDERER!" at me. I stared for a minute, forgetting that I had dropped the fat one, but when I turned to 'rescue' him, he was already floating! _I guess elves are buoyant?_ I took him out of the pond _(Since he was too stupid to swim out himself)_ and dropped him on the grass next to me, determined to find out if I was going crazy or if it was just natural to go into the woods and see miniature people running around who live in trees and…_of course!_ It all makes perfect sense…_I think…_

"Are you real or am I insane?"

I asked Flak, who stared up at me. His eyes grew wide and he stepped closer…closer…_closer…_and poked me in the eye. I yelled as he ran away screaming:

"HE TRIED TO KILL ME! INSANE LUNATIC! MURDERER! LOSER! STUPID IDIOT TRIED TO KILL ME!"

Angrily, I yelled back at the small figure as he tried in vain to fit through the door to get back to his comrades.

"WELL, I SHOULD HAVE TRIED HARDER THEN YOU FATSO!"

"CRAZY!"

Flak screamed back at me, then made it through the door before I could snatch him up again and drown him for real this time. God, that elf thing made me mad! _Maybe I should have just left him in the lake! _

"Hello? Who's yelling out here?"

Instantly upon recognition of the voice, I jumped up and ran to go hug my dear friend Lumina. She stared at me with utter discust and stopped me before I could embrace her.

"Rock, are you feeling okay? It looks like you haven't slept at all, and you're all gross, like you've been rolling in mud or something! You didn't eat another mushroom from over there, did you! Last time you went crazy! Well…come to think of it…"

Lumina paused and I stared blankly, not sure of what she was trying to get to. Apart from almost getting shot by a crazed farmer and being attacked by a fairy person almost a twenty-fourth of my height _(and half my width)_, I was having a pretty good day!

"You stink Rock. Come with me, I'll make sure you make it home without hurting yourself, just…don't come too near me cause you smell terrible!"

Lumina began walking towards my home and all I could do was follow, glancing behind me rather often to make sure none of the elves came back again…_Ohh…cause they'd be sorry they ever messed with…_THE ROCK MAN! I rubbed my eye where it hurt when Flak stabbed me with his hand, and tried to ignore the pedestrians who wandered past while I was in a condition of, to put it simply, _ewwww_.


	8. Connect the Dots

_Confused Doesn't Even **Begin** To Describe It_

_By: Musical Enigma_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon or any of its creators _

_Chapter Eight: Connect the Dots_

_Note: Okay, so I took a very long time to write this, and yes I do realize that. I guess I need a bit more motivation (hinthint: review) but yeah, I think the next chapter will be the last. Then I'll be starting another harvest moon fic more than likely- so don't desert me just yet! Okay, well, you know what to do! _

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I made it home, to say the least, in one piece. _If you ignore the fact that Hugh threw a rock at me, Muffy stole my left shoe, my parents both screamed at the sight of me, and my wallet was missing._ Yeah…I've had better days…_nights…whatever._ My parents finally talked to me once I got out of the shower, nice and clean and bound to get dirty once more within the next hour or two.

"Son, we need to talk to you about something."

I stared at the people I called mom and dad, waiting for their probable and almost unavoidable explanation of what one should do when attacked my three monstrous midget elf…_sprite…things._ _Or at least, that might happen once I told them the story…_

"Rock dear," Ruby began, "honey are you being bullied again?"

"Mom please, it's been like, a whole month since I've been bullied."

I could feel myself turn into a deep crimson by the memories of being bullied by a child one eighth my size and about one sixteenth my age; a child who happened to go by the name of Hugh. But then again…_I'd rather be beaten up by him than the three every tinier persons I encountered last night…at least Hugh got punished after words!_

"Because we know that you look nothing like us, heck, you don't even have the same morale or principles. But if that's why you are being bullied--"

"Mom, I'm not being bullied…"

I stopped short as I suddenly realized that I did look nothing like my parents. I was blonde…albino…and, _from what I can tell, **way** better looking. _Things started coming together as I began to connect the dots. I put down my **'FUN! PUZZLES FOR KIDS!'** book, making sure to leave the pencil on the page of my connect the dots and stared my parents in the eyes…_okay, so I had to look back and forth between them…big whoop…_

"Am I an alien?"

My parents stared at me blankly, and I nearly died…metaphorically. I was an alien! It all made sense now- why I was poor with no motives, why I was trapped in some totally random secluded village, why the hobo of the town constantly tormented and stalked me, and especially why I was so irresistible. I slammed my **'FUN! PUZZLES FOR KIDS!' **book on the table (_twice for effect_) then ran out the door screaming.

"I AM AN ALIEN! FEAR ME! BUY ME SODA! FEAR ME! BOO! I COMMAND YOU TO GIVE ME BACK MY SHOE! _OW_! OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE IT! I DON'T NEED SHOES_! I…I'LL JUST FLY EVERYWHERE!"_

And then I jumped off of the well and tried (_and failed_) to fly. Figuring I wasn't one of the super awesome flying aliens, I remembered my mind power over electricity. Laughing, I ran into the bar and slammed the door, not doing much to the effect of my new identity, but bringing attention to me.

"Okay, Muffy, give me a Moon trip or else I'm going to turn off…THE ELECTRICITY! _OW!_"

Before I could even attempt to add more threats to the well being of the bar, Takura walked in and whacked me with the door. I scowled at the solid wood, angry for the fact that it didn't like me, the alien. _Stupid racist door…_

"Rock, get your ass out of here before I--"

No more was needed to be said, I ran out the door in humiliation of my failure and the fact that I might need to start earning money to pay for stuff.

"What loser left their wallet here?"

"Probably some stupid, unemployed dork-face…"

"Who do we know like that?"

"Well, there's that crazy murdering psycho Rock."

"The one named after an inanimate object?"

"Exactly"

Despite the fact that my self-esteem lowered in overhearing this conversation, I journeyed over to the speakers to retrieve my wallet. Unfortunately, the persons speaking weren't exactly pleased to see me…_maybe because just the night before, I tried to drown one in a pond…_

"Hey guys!"

I tried my best to sound nonchalant and, not menacing, vengeful, and ready to squish their small, worthless beings. However, the damn sprites all ran, _carrying my precious wallet with them. Those damn Harvest Sprites. They're always after me Lucky Charms! _I chased them for a while, but the thing is; I am really really lazy. Yeah, I mean, normally you couldn't tell since I'm **so** active, like a squirrel! Yeah, I except for the part with rabies, I love doing squirrel things! _Like climbing trees…eating food…stealing food…sleeping…hibernating…_but most importantly…wait…

"He's gone! I think we can…AHH!"

The little people broke me out of my 'zone' of squirrel as I once again began to try and catch them. Then they ran, and boy, for being around an inch or two tall, they ran fast. All the way to the home of their good friend, _the farmer_. Upon their arrival, Tarin walked out and then sighed deeply. She picked up the little people (and my wallet) and allowed me to dive on the floor meaninglessly. Disturbed and, once again, very muddy due to the wet dirt, I scowled at the sprites who all made faces back at me.

"Rock…what are you doing?"

"Well you see…--"

I was instantly cut of from my sentence by the fat sprite. Oh boy, I do not like the fat one. _He's always mad…even though I just met him yesterday…but he poked my eye_! And of course, everyone knows that eyes are needed in order to see, watch television, and most importantly, to check out the girls.

"That crazy man—he's the one that attacked us yesterday—he tried to KILL US **again.** All because he left his stupid wallet in the middle of the road, we innocently picked it up in order to return it to its rightful owner, and then this **asshole** ran out of nowhere and tried to steal it! Heck, it might not even be _his!_"

I scowled at the yellow fat one as he told his 'story'. The others backed him up, making me seem like the bad guy. Tarin listened thoughtfully, and then turned to me. I smiled to try and put an edge of innocence on my side, but Tarin looked unamused.

"Rock? Why are you pestering my minions?"

"Well you see…_your what?_"

Tarin sighed again, and then snapped her fingers. And in her place, the Harvest Goddess appeared. Startled, I screamed.

"Whoa whoa whoa! Where'd Tarin go?"

I looked around frantically for the farmer. The sprites all hopped to the ground and sat on the dog to watch. The Harvest Goddess, however, looked frustrated as she floated about two or three inches off the ground. _Shit…how bad did I screw up this time?_


	9. The Hokey Pokey

_Confused Doesn't Even **Begin** To Describe It_

_By: Musical Enigma_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon or any of its creators _

_Chapter Nine: The Hokey Pokey_

_Note: Okay, the final chapter is here. I decided that Rock's last name is Inner because he lives at the Inner Inn and yeah, it kinda makes sense. I hope you enjoyed the story and a **BIG** thank you to all the reviewers! And if this seems kinda confusing…trust me I know. Just…go with it ok? (Because I made it long just for you!) Haha I'll be making a new Harvest Moon story soon so don't completely desert me either! And just so you know, I still love reviews (hint hint)_

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"So…where did Tarin go?"

I asked once more, rather sheepishly. The Harvest Goddess looked down at me with a: _you-have-to-be-kidding-me_ stare. Seeing that I obviously had no clue what was going on, she sighed and then took out a very glittery wand and pointed it towards her head. A small _poof_ later, Tarin's head was on the Harvest Goddess' body.

"Oh, okay. Hey Tarin. When did the Harvest Goddess eat you?"

The head of Tarin frowned and then turned back into that of the Harvest Goddess. Confused as ever, I sat down on the dirt and picked up a stick. The Harvest Goddess stared for a minute, and then became angry.

"I AM TARIN YOU DOLT!"

"NO, Tarin had brown hair. You, obviously have purple."

I stated my logic simply and smiled, waiting to be rewarded for my awesome intelligence on this matter. I totally did not expect what was coming next.

"It was a test you idiot! You **FAILED**. MISERABLY! I can not believe that you, of all people, weren't the least suspicious. Hell, you **RAN OVER** a _LEAF_ because you thought it was plotting world domination!"

I frowned slightly at this angry comeback and the remembrance of that evil little leaf.

"Hey, hold up a second. That was an **EXTREMELY** dangerous leaf! If I hadn't run it over with that stolen bicycle…--"

The Harvest Goddess stared for a minute, and then continued.

"Either way, Rock, you're pretty…how should I say this…ignorant."

"Why thank you"

I smiled brightly at the compliment.

"Yeah…anyhow, Tarin doesn't exist. She's…never mind this might be a bit confusing for you. Let's put it simply. I tested all of the townspeople to see how they would react to a new farmer so not everyone would have to depend on the stolen goods from Van. You were the last person to be quizzed, and you did a bad job. Does that make sense?"

"Sometimes, I wish I could fly too. I tried earlier this morning, but it didn't work."

I smiled once again, showing no traces what so ever that anything the Goddess just said made sense. The Goddess sighed, and then tried once more.

**(Note: The following is dialogue between the Harvest Goddess and Rock, alternating and starting with the Goddess. Viewer discretion is advised, but not enforced, necessary, or even cared about. Have a nice day!)**

"Stop me at any point if you have questions, okay? We're going to try this again."

"Okey-dokey!"

"Tarin is not real"

"Is she mud then?"

"No…"

"Oh, okay. Go on and continue."

"A new farmer is going to move in here."

"What's her name?"

"Jill."

"Does she own a dog?"

"Do you want her to?"

"No, not really."

"Then yes, she will have a dog."

"**DAMNATION!** Okay, please continue."

"Do NOT harass the new farmer."

"Okay_…pssst! What does harass mean?_"

"It means, do not stalk, attack, or invade her or her farm."

"So no more rolling in the mud?"

"No…and that's not real mud in the pasture."

"What is it then?"

"Fertilizer."

"Which is…?"

"Cow poo."

"Okay then. Go on."

"You're taking all of this quite well."

"Actually, I have no idea what we are talking about."

"…"

**(Note: The dialogue in this manner is over. Viewer discretion is no longer advised or necessary. And it never was.)**

"YOU MEAN THAT YOU STILL HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IS GOING ON!"

The Harvest Goddess looked very angry. I stood up, tired of being yelled at and talked down to, and threw my stick back onto the ground from whence it came. Then, as effectively as I could, I pointed my finger at the high floating lady to state my answer.

"NO!"

The Harvest Goddess sighed and then placed a hand over my head, then pointed her wand in my face. I smiled and leaned forward, only causing the wand to poke me in the eye. I yelled angrily at the object, but, as it was made of plastic and glitter, it obviously did not answer me back.

"Okay, let's make this simple. I'll erase your memory of this and then when the new farmer comes, just…don't be an ass, okay?"

"Sounds good to me!"

I smiled as the Goddess began to wave her wand, and right before she was about to cast the spell, I stopped her. _There's still one thing bugging me about all of this…weirdness…_

"Wait! I have a question!"

"What is it?"

The Goddess sure seemed moody…and frustrated…and…purple? I thought hard on how to make this into a good sentence…_but my mind doesn't like it when I think this hard…but I'll try! You put your left foot in! You put your left foot out! You put your left foot in…and you shake it all about! You do the hokey-pokey…wait…it that really what I wanted to think about…oh well! That's what it's all about!_

"Do you have a question or not?"

The Harvest Goddess asked impatiently. I looked up at her and smiled.

"Yeah, I just forgot for a minute. Okay, so does this, or does it not, mean that I am an alien?"

The Harvest Goddess whacked me in the head with her wand and everything started to go fuzzy and melt. Determined, I tried to fit in my last questions before I melted into a rock blob, known to some, as **lava**.

"Wait! Do I get my wallet back?"

The three harvest sprites laughed as I looked up to see the Harvest Goddess looking through it. I frowned, taking it as a no. It was confirmed more when she took out the nickels and stuffed them into her bra.

"Wait I have one more question! What if the hokey-pokey really **is **what it's all about?"

The Harvest Goddess looked up at me and smiled.

"_You just never know!"_

And then, I melted. I woke up in my bedroom, totally out of it. I fumbled around in my bed sheets for a minute, figuring it couldn't hurt to sleep _just a bit more…_

"Rock! Wake up darling! It's nearly noon!"

"Coming mom…in an hour or two…"

"Do I have to come up there and pull you out of bed?"

"….yeah…sure…whatever"

Loud thuds from downstairs immediately told me that the ever jolly salesman/retailer/actor/gymnast/robber Van was here. Suffering from a serious case of De-Ja-Vu, I ran downstairs and tripped, flinging myself to Van's feet.

"Hello there Rock!"

And, without further ado, he picked up the hard, inanimate object that had fallen from nearby pot with a tree occupying it. I scowled and stood up on my own, not realizing that the next few days would be lived in total obliviousness and that from a lake by a weird tree with glowing flowers, a lady with purple hair and three midgets had subscribed to a credit card under the name of Rock Inner.


End file.
